Been saying Goodbye for years now...
I took the day off work today and the only thing that I really accomplished was going to see my Dad. I lounged around this morning and then left to visit him with thoughts of coming home and cleaning up the house and getting some organizing done. But I did not succeed in getting anything but dinner done once I got home. Although the visit was good I always seem to come home with a feeling of dread.
It is so hard to see my Dad get sicker and weaker year after year, as the title says, he has been saying goodbye for years now, but looking at him now it seems to hold a certainty to it, unlike before. The once 6ft 3in 200 lb man is now 5ft 7in at best and probably weights 120 dripping wet. He was in the military when I was born and then left to become a pastor when I was 8. Some where along the way things went wayward (as life tends to) and when I was 11 my parents divorced. It was, as most divorces are, a little messy. For years I did not communicate with my father unless I was forced to, due to many unanswer, unresolved questions/feelings. But at a crucial point in my life, where most of the people I felt were close to me walked away, my Dad stood up and supported me. That was the turning point in our relationship, he was not just some guy I called my Father but he became my Dad. We have been getting to know each other for the last 13 years and he is a big part of my life. I will miss him and don't even want to think of him not being here to call up when I want to.
I know that Dad has been saved and that his life is as it should be but the selfish part of me wants him here with us, so my son will get to know him as he grows up. He has so much wisdom to offer, most of which I haven't tapped into myself. I need to get to know him better myself as I really feel like I have only had 13 years with him and some of those has been from a distance also.
I am struggling to find peace in saying goodbye to him here and now even though I know he will be well taken care of and completely out of pain.
posted by loved truly @ 9:47 PM
6 comments
6 Comments:
I lost my dad back in 1995. He had been sick for many years and really struggled with his health. The last two years of his life were the best two years he and I had as father and son. I am so thankful for that. I still miss him but I know that I'll get to see him again some day. Just pray that God will strenghten you when the time comes. Know that HE is in control. B4T
I understand the pain you must be feeling. It is never easy to watch someone I love decline in health. I will pray for you and for him.
His spirit will echo through you for years to come...beyond the physical. You are a real blessing to him ...this time your give him as he completes his life is a tremendous gift. I will pray for you as well.
Thank you everyone - your words and prays are comforting and appriciated.
I still have both of my parents, so I have yet to deal with it. Although my mom is in her 80's and my dad not far behind, I have been watching their health decline. My dad has early stages of Alzhimers, he has reduced his driving but needs to decide to give it up.
A while back I read a great book written by Mitch Albom titled "Tuesday's with Morrey". It deals with dying. Not everyone has the chance to say good bye. I don't like to see anyone suffer, but it does allow us the chance to say good bye and have a few more charrished moments to say I love you.
I'm sorry to hear about your struggle. Times like these are so difficult.....but he will be the Lord..which is so comforting. Pray for strength and comfort. I will also pray for you. God Bless.
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